Anti-climatic Endings and Confusing Verb Tenses

[Author's note 1: I'm having a really hard time with writing in English right now, so the grammar might be off in various portions of this post. I could wait until later to post it, but I've already missed n weeks of posting, where n > 0, so that's not going to fly. But my brain is currently (for better or worse) filled with science and numbers and pretty much everything except how to write in standard English. So you may have to bear with me a bit through this post. Thank you, in advance, for your patience.]

Welp, this is it.  In less than 24 hours I’ll be done with my penultimate semester of college.  This semester has been an incredibly full, busy, stressful, and rewarding one.  I’ve given over two hours of presentations, attended approximately 96 hours of lecture, spent at least 240 hours (and probably a good deal more than that) in lab, and written (at a complete minimum) 100 pages worth of stuff, 20 of those pages in another language (and another 30 probably look like they’re in another language, to anyone not familiar with what I’m doing in lab).  I have one three-hour exam left, and I should probably be worried for it.  But I’m weirdly not… It’s hard to tell if it’s Senioritis hitting or what, because I’m definitely not as prepared as I could be for this exam.  

It’s mostly weird because this really is the beginning of the end, as evidenced by the fact that the page with all the important academic information on it now includes a link to apply for my degree.  I could fill it out right now.  I could apply for my degree.  Obviously I couldn’t actually get it, because I’m two classes short of the Institute requirements, and two other classes short of my Major requirements (all of which I'll be taking next semester- no worries, parents).  But I could go and put in all of the necessary information (like what name I want on my diploma, and how they should pronounce my name at the ceremony), and hit the little button at the end that says “Verify the Application”.  And with that, I could apply to be done.  Which is bizarre, and terrifying, and weirdly anti-climatic.

But then, in some respects, the whole thing is kind of anti-climatic.  I gave a 10 minute presentation in Spanish, that ended with teaching my entire class how to dance, and I was done with my Spanish concentration (I think… that one’s a bit confusing. At the very least, I am done with that class).  I gave a 10 minute presentation about six months worth of work in lab, and handed in a 30 page research report, and I was done with 7.18 and had fulfilled all of my communication requirements.  I gave an hour long presentation to my lab (to real scientists, whose opinions I respect very strongly) and I was done with lab work for the semester.  And I had been dreading that presentation for as long as it had been scheduled.  But all of a sudden, it was just over.  And I was told that I gave a very clear, well-thought-out presentation.  But other than that, life went on.  And now, all I need to do is hit one little button (after figuring out how to communicate how my name should be pronounced at graduation) and there will be one less obstacle standing between me and the rest of my life.

I’m obviously not freaking out at all about this.  I definitely sound like a reasonable, well-adjusted person, who definitely isn’t starting a ridiculous number of sentences with the word ‘And’ (something I’ve been told not to do since as long as I can remember).  Okay, fine, I’m freaking out a tiny bit.  On the one hand, I want to sit back and savor all of the moments, because obviously they’re going by way too quickly.  On the other hand, if I take the time to do that, it feels like everything is going to just pass me by.  And on the third hand (where did I get three hands?  No idea.  I should probably get that checked out.) I want to forget about the future and focus on the fact that dessert study break is tonight, and I can eat cheesecake until I honestly feel like I want to burst.  The last one is obviously the adult way to deal with this situation. :P

I have a wall (see above), in my room at school, that’s dedicated to photos of my friends (I had no family photos when I was printing this... and there were none on Facebook to steal :P), and to things that make me happy (photos, postcards, random things I’ve picked up along the way throughout 3.5 years of school). Because I printed the photos when I was a freshman, in order to compete with my freshman roommate’s decorated wall, they largely feature the person I was back then, to a much greater degree than the person I am now.  And it’s kind of weird, because in general I don’t think I’d say that Senior-at-Holy-Names-Alycia is that much different from Senior-at-MIT-Alycia.  But when I really sit here and think about it, those two people are, in fact, completely different.

[Author’s note 2: Tenses are weird when one is trying to refer to oneself both in the current moment and four years in the past.  As a result, although it may be grammatically incorrect, I’m going to just use the past tense when referring to both time periods in one sentence.  Apologies in advance for any confusion.]

Both Alycias were concerned with doing well in school, but that means something entirely different today than it did four years ago.  Former Alycia was a straight-A student, and Valedictorian (1 of 16 or 17 Valedictorians, so take that as you will) of her high school class.  Current Alycia isn’t really sure where she stands compared to the rest of her class, but it sure as heck isn’t Valedictorian material (if MIT even named Valedictorians, which they don't).  Former Alycia would have been appalled by this knowledge.  Current Alycia is occasionally appalled by the knowledge that she’s not top of the class, but is gradually accepting that it might have something to do with the fact that she is attending a very demanding school, and was almost certainly not in the right major for 3 of the years she’s been here.  Former Alycia rowed, a lot.  Current Alycia is dreadfully out of shape.  Former Alycia couldn’t have dreamed of doing half of the research that Current Alycia is doing.  Current Alycia just turned in a 30 page paper suggesting that some of the things we thought we knew about how DNA is repaired may not be as correct as they could be.  Former Alycia never asked for help, if it was possible not to do so.  But Current Alycia is slowly learning to ask for help from a select group of people, and can see how her life is better for it.

Talking about myself in third person aside, the point is that there are a lot of things that have changed, both for better and for worse from where I was sitting four years ago. Four years ago today, I was sitting in the HNA auditorium after crew practice, getting ready for my last winter concert of high school.  Today, I’m sitting on my bed, writing this post instead of getting ready for my last winter final of college.  Four years ago tomorrow, I found out that I got into MIT.  Tomorrow, I will take my last winter final of college.  After that, who knows? Four years from now, I’ll probably look back at this and wonder how I could have changed so much from the person that I am right now.  Here’s to taking those next four years to figure out who the person wondering that is going to be.