Let me preface this by saying that I was pretty much the
queen of procrastination this week. I went through a number of ways to write
this blog post, including but not limited to, recording my presentation for
class and posting that as my blog post, summarizing each day of the week, and
even going so far as to download and set up the dictation application for my
computer which I'm actually writing this with.
This week’s procrastination was interesting in that it was
actually sort of productive. For instance, I can now talk to my computer and
have it write pretty much exactly what I'm saying, which is all kinds of cool.
And now I know how to record presentations for when I eventually finish with
the one that I'm currently writing. I procrastinated on other things this week,
like actually writing my presentation, but I generally procrastinated by doing
other work so I guess that's a plus.
But this isn't really a post about procrastination. Instead
it's kind of a post about the bittersweet nature of losing things. Obviously I
still have several months to go before I graduate. But this weekend was the
first time that I really experienced something that will probably be a last.
This weekend was the Head of the Charles. I think I've told
everyone I know that this is my favorite regatta. I was sitting at the start
line volunteering this weekend- backup timing, just like last year- and the
other volunteers and I were discussing what our plans were for the next year.
Of course my plans at this point largely consist of grad school, so we were
discussing where I would be next year. At this point I've come up with a list
of schools that I'm applying to so I know more or less what my options are. But
I hadn't realized, for some reason, that none of them are in the Boston area.
The direct result of this is that I ill likely not be in Boston next year for
the Head of the Charles.
As I thought about that fact in between the craziness of
timing several boats across the start line for 15 minute periods, I was sort of
reminded of all of the other things that I won't have next year. Which was not
the happiest topic to be thinking about. :P the one that really struck me of
course was the Head of the Charles. Although it's been almost 2 years since I
stopped rowing, I still really miss racing. And somehow that's never clearer
than when I'm watching boats at the Head of the Charles. I think it's a
combination of the fact that the Head of the Charles is my favorite regatta and
the fact that the racing there is just incredibly competitive. People from
literally all over the world come to row this course. And knowing that I got to
do that every day and gave it up willingly is occasionally hard to stomach.
I know, of course, that rowing was becoming a time suck and
I needed to stop. That doesn't really change the fact that rowing was pretty
much how I defined my life for five years. It's kind of like getting out of a
long-term relationship I think. They say that for long-term relationships you
need at least half the time of the relationship to get over it. Given that
metric, I've still got about six months to go. At the same time I think rowing might
be something that I don’t ever really get over.
We watched a movie in Spanish this weekend where the
criminal was caught based on the fact that he couldn't give up his passion for
soccer, even though he changed the rest of his life when he went into hiding. I
think rowing is like that for me. You can change almost everything about
yourself, but it's hardest to change your passions on a whim. Your passions
highlight the truest portion of yourself, maybe the portions you would rather
not have highlighted. However, when you boil it down, passions are what make us
us.
I think I got sort of off-topic on this post. Honestly it
was more thought dump than anything. The point I was trying to make is that I
had my first real ‘last' of the year this weekend and it hit me kind of hard.
In last year's post about the Head of the Charles, I said that I would row that
race again regardless of what it took. While I like the idea, it's kind of
impossible to know what's going to happen in the future. On some level I need
to accept that my participation in this year’s regatta might be the last time I
actually see or do anything with the Head of the Charles.(Side note, my
dictation software just substituted chuckles for the word Charles, which I
found highly amusing).
There will be lots more lasts this year. Hopefully, there
will also be a lot of firsts. Since I'm not a fortune teller I have no idea
what's coming. All I can do is work, try not to stress out too much, and really enjoy things like my
dictation software that show how much
we’re really living in the future. (Or that try to show us that at
least… I think the unedited version of this document might actually be better
than the edited version in that it makes pretty much no sense. It's better than
some of the old dictation I've seen but it's still pretty bad. Maybe next time
I'll try this again and put up two versions of my post and let you decide for
yourself whether not dictation works. :P)
That's it for now since I need to go finish the presentation
I was thinking of posting this week, which obviously didn't happen… see you all
next week!
XOXO,
Alycia
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